Educating a Friend
- Me: So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
- Guy Friend: What's his name?
- Me: I don't know. Frank?
- Guy Friend: No.
- Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
- Guy Friend: I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
- Me: ...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
- Guy Friend: Do I have any money?
- Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
- Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.
- Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
- Guy Friend: Nah, it's cool.
- Me: Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
- Guy Friend: What five bucks?
- Me: Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
- Guy Friend: What? Why would I--
- Me: I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
- Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
- Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
- Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but...
- Guy Friend: ...
- Guy Friend: ...
- Guy Friend: oh
Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.
—Theodore (Her, 2013)
I already made a separate post with a tweet I made regarding the subject, but I wanted to speak about it in further detail.
This morning I was enjoying a cup of hot chocolate at the beach by myself when a man I have never seen before grabbed my head from behind to adjust it so he could observe the tattoos behind my ear and on the back of my neck. I was so terrified I couldn’t even move. When he had the audacity to ask me, “What do the diamonds behind your ear mean?” I flipped.
"How dare you invade my personal space and touch me without my consent! I should knock your teeth down your throat for that!"
"— but I just wanted to see your tattoos!"
Unfortunately, things like this are very common in the body modification community. People grab my arms to look at my sleeves or my hands to look at my hand/finger tattoos, some will adjust the top of my shirt to look at my chest piece, a few have lifted up my skirts and dresses to look at the tattoos on my shins and thighs, and one person grabbed the bottom of my lip and pulled it out when they saw I had a tattoo inside my lip.
I hear countless stories like mine on a daily basis. Some include how people will stick their fingers in the lobes of someones ear, how people will touch the piercings on someones face and ask “did it hurt?”, and how people will touch the bodies of others to observe their tattoos. It’s a trend that seriously needs to end.
You shouldn’t touch anyone without their permission, but people seem to think it’s justifiable to touch someone with body modifications because “I just want to see!” Nothing justifies or excuses it. Body modifications doesn’t mean people can touch us without our consent. Please respect the individual spaces of others and knock it off.
jesus this even happens what the actual living breathing fuck